In 2002 I began a new journey. I had no idea how long it would last. Or how hard I'd have to work or what I'd have to go through to get here.
To be honest if I had known, I may have never started it. Funny, not funny, haha.
I say this because healing is hard work! I mean haaaaarrrrdddd work. It takes a ton of energy to replenish what I'd broken down.
It is not for the weak. Sometimes I said I wanted healing and realized how much I really didn't. I did but I didn't. The unconscious mind is something fierce.
That beast of a brain had me caught up! And I learned in what felt like the long way. It seems that some things take years to master! And this healing, was no different.
This was one of the 1st times I remember beginning to think differently. I was laying on the table while he was giving instructions on what would occur. I was told I'd have a care pack and how to take care of my newest addictions and distractions. I had picked out my hoops and studs.
It was time for a piercing! Whoohoo. Looking back now I see I was so numb that pain was all I could feel. It's pretty sad now but I get it. It's my story and I love it. It lasted for years.
See I was recently separated from an abusive relationship and I decided to move to Austin.
This new life brought many exciting opportunities and choices my way. I had never been an adult who made her own choices and this seemed fun! So of course with Austin there was permission to be me.
The me that was now single, free, extreme, irrational, wild, and so lost was how I'd describe that young girl. I was a single adult. Wow that was insane! I'd only been a couple since 16 yrs old.
So when I was asked to do something differently I 1st thought why? BUT eventually I thought why not? A part of me wanted to trust things differently. I think she was always in there pushing the envelope and asking questions. But she had been shut down so much. Not anymore! She was completely free to choose everything. That's both invigorating and scary as hell.
I didn't understand why this was the next thing to do... I just began to learn to trust myself. I also knew I trusted the piercer holding the long ass needle right next to my body! Otherwise why the hell am I here? Right?
I knew I did not know anything about this and I was paying this guy to do a very important job.... He was the master here. He is the expert in this field. So I listened carefully.
And he told me how he would stick this needle in my body. I asked questions and he answered. Curious Monique, needs to know all the details.
And if there was one thing I knew it was to listen to the person holding the needles. Whether tattoo needle, medical syringes, or piercing needles, there was a time to stay still and listen.
So I looked him in the eye and made a grimace when he said, when I say 3... exhale and DO NO MOVE.
He stared at me for a moment to make sure I understood the importance of this simple instruction.
I nod yea sure exhale. No he says blow out.
I'm certain I was looking like what the fuck at this point but on he went.
He prepped me and said again on 3 exhale.
Do not hold your breath.
Got it sir... exhale, check.
He says 3. I blow out. Then I think what the fuck. And I exhaled again. I continued this for a while. At 22 I learned one of the best things ever!
20 years later I understand this on a completely different level.
I'm beyond grateful for that body piercing man that gave me the best life hack ever.
When you hold your breath you hold the pain.
When you exhale you can release it.